The train tracks are singing
The train tracks are singing to me
I have never heard them sing like this
I put my headphones in
I put my head phones in with nothing playing which is the closest I get to this city
I leave the theatre and
I put my headphones in with nothing playing and the streets look like they’re lit by par cans and fresnels
An old man whose beard furrows into his hat sings as he passes me and it sounds French or Italian.
A sign in a shop window lettered like ‘keep calm’ reads ‘love is only mad-‘ but I can’t read the rest of the message
Petals of blossom filter down through the air like sunlight and confetti
I have my headphones in with nothing playing and I listen to the city. This city that never feels like a place I would be, I feel small and successful. A man sat on the floor with a tin in front of him reads a book through gloveless fingers
The eyes of a young man or old boy linger on me, brown eyes and corn rows I glance behind me and he turns and follows.
He’s following me along the street, I see it in the reflection of the Wetherspoons and another young man old boy glances at me then talks to the friend and I hear him say ‘she had headphones in’ as I walk on
It is only at Warren Street I realise they probably wanted me to buy them some beer at Budgens.
I wonder if I would have done,
I feel bad for feeling threatened by them. I feel like If I hadn’t have been wearing headphones and they had asked I wouldn’t have known what to do and probably would have done something terrible like make them promise that they’d do something to make up for getting drunk tonight, like call their grandmothers, or read a book I could recommend them.
Or go to the theatre. I could buy them a ticket to go see the play I just saw. I would explain to them who Kate Tempest is and how I feel now like I did after I saw her raise her voice with poetry of broken hearts and broken people like myths and heroes. ‘It’s mostly about mobile phones, and cities’, I would say, ‘and how capitalism is on the floor, bleeding and we are black, black, black with its blood’.
And they would let me buy them the beer and give me fake email addresses to send the ticket references to.
It takes me to Pimlico to finish the thought of what I would do about a thing that never happened.
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I think it was maybe Graeme Miller, but if it wasn’t, if I start by looking there, I think that’s the way I’ll remember where to find it
I think “I’ll look it up on my phone when I get to Brixton”.
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My name is Mike, a regular guy from the USA, and during 2018 I accidentally discovered one of the
weirdest sports on Earth: CarJitsu.
If you have never heard of it, don’t worry. The entire concept sounds like a joke.
Two athletes climb inside a small car and try to control each other while
being trapped between the cramped interior. Yes, really.
In most sports you have a court, but in CarJitsu your battlefield is a
cramped car interior. This is what shocked me
the first time.
It even has official events and competitive tournaments.
Competitors come from different places and try to
prove who can master the unusual format. Different from most athletic competitions, every movement is limited
by the tight space. This leads to funny situations. One second someone looks like a champion, and the next second they are folded like a pretzel.
During those days I was heavily interested in competitive sports.
I watched many sports events every week. I also
spent time reading about sportsbook odds. People around me
talked about betting and sportsbooks. Sometimes names like the
sportsbook 1xbet would appear in conversations about major sporting events,
although CarJitsu was usually too strange to be the main topic.
Late one evening I saw a crazy highlight reel online.
At first I thought it was satire. Full-grown athletes were trying to battle inside
a parked car while spectators were going
crazy with excitement. I laughed so hard that
I couldn’t breathe for a moment. Yet the more I watched, the more fascinated I became.
Soon after that, I found a local event and decided to
show up. The crowd energy was amazing. There were fans discussing all kinds of sporting topics.
Some people even joked about which athlete would be the favorite if a betting
site ever offered odds on the matches.
Watching was not enough. I signed up for beginner training.
The first training day was hilarious. I hit my head
on the roof, got stuck near a seat, and accidentally opened
a door at the worst possible moment. The coaches laughed. Yet I kept coming back.
As time passed, I improved. I learned how to use smart tactics instead of brute strength.
The cramped cabin became my arena. Soon I was entering regional events.
My friends thought I was completely crazy. Whenever someone asked what sport
I practiced, the conversation usually went like this:
“CarJitsu.”
“What is that?”
“Imagine wrestling inside a car.”
“You’re joking.”
“No, that’s the actual sport.”
The funniest and wildest experience happened during a tournament a few years
later. My opponent was huge. He looked like he
could bench-press a refrigerator. Before the match started, he smiled and said, “You’re going to need luck.” I knew
trouble was coming.
The moment the referee signaled, chaos exploded.
We bounced between seats, bumped into doors, and nearly tangled
ourselves in everything inside the vehicle. The crowd was roaring.
Everyone was losing their minds.
Then came the moment I will never forget.
My opponent grabbed the car seat belt and accidentally
turned it into what looked like a wild whip.
As we struggled for position, the belt snapped across the cabin and wrapped around
me in the strangest way imaginable. For a second I thought, “I can’t believe this is happening”
He pulled, I twisted, the seat belt locked, the door opened slightly, and both of us
somehow ended up tangled together like human spaghetti.
The audience was laughing so hard that some people could barely stay in their
seats. Nobody could believe what they were seeing.
For a brief moment, I genuinely thought my opponent was going to crush me.
Luckily, the officials quickly intervened when things became unsafe, and the situation was resolved without serious injury.
Afterward we both burst out laughing. Everyone loved it. Even today people who were there still talk about “the legendary belt tangle.”
Looking back, CarJitsu remains one of the weirdest athletic competitions I have ever experienced.
It gave me friendships, stories, and unforgettable memories.
Whether people are discussing sports culture and competition, very few things create
reactions like CarJitsu.
When people want to hear a crazy sports story, I always tell them about the day I climbed into a car in 2018 and accidentally became a CarJitsu competitor.
The reaction is always the same. But after hearing about tournaments, athletes, training sessions,
sports fans, betting conversations, sportsbook discussions, and my unforgettable
seat belt battle, they usually agree on one thing:
CarJitsu is wonderfully ridiculous.
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